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COURTNEY ANDERSEN

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Powerless

Uncategorized Dec 22, 2017

I have whiskey in my left hand and a rolled-up dollar bill in my right. In front of me on a wooden coffee table are broken up lines of blow, ready for me.  Sobriety is not for me anymore, I take the Jameson to my lips and tip the shot glass back and its over. The light switch has been turned on and I can my addiction come to life.  The whiskey is burning the back of my throat and I feel it warm my bones, I have missed that feeling.  After taking a few shots I then indulge into the cocaine that patiently awaits for me.  I am back to a familiar crew of friends and It's like the last 5 years of sobriety never happened.  I'm right back to the life of FUN and giving ZERO soulless FUCKS.  I feel free and liberated but in the midst of my high, the realization of what I have just done comes into play. The anxiety sets in, my heart beats faster and I start to sweat. What has I done is on repeat in my head, like a broken record but I go in for another line. I'm...

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Truth.

Uncategorized Oct 25, 2017

True Story... YOU WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER IN SOBRIETY!!! Recovery is scary AF and a lot of things in your life will change but it’s all for the better. Your life will not be the same once you make the choice to give up something that was holding you back for so long. We are supposed to grow as humans not stay the same for the rest of our lives. You will lose friends, relationships and that old self but you gain such a beautiful life and gain your true self in the process. Let go, surrender and let your life path take its course!!

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35

Uncategorized Oct 05, 2017

Waking up HANGOVER FREE after my birthday for the 5th year in a row!! Feels so good not to feel like an ashamed shit bag! Yes, birthdays are different now BUT for the better. Instead of my intentions of getting as drunk as possible because that's what I thought fun was and the only way to celebrate your birth. They are now spent with some people I care about most in this precious world with a lot of laughs and quality time. Along with some spa pampering!! It's totally OK to spend your birthday sipping sparkling water, the world will not end. Looking forward to embracing 35 and enjoying the ride...One Day At A Time!! 

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Throwback

Uncategorized Sep 14, 2017

Throwback to living in a world of shame, hate, anger, loneliness, self-sabotage and a Mindset of thinking I didn't deserve any good in my world. Funny thing is..I put myself in that state. I was the one who continued to drink and create a very delusional world for myself. That's right, I DID it all to myself..addiction is a powerful disease. There is life after addiction and a very good one y'all, you have the choice to start today and my wish for the people who are suffering in addiction is that you choose LIFE because that's what addiction comes down to..life or death! Recovery is POSSIBLE. 

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Let it Go.

Uncategorized Aug 20, 2017

Let it Go...Couldn't agree MORE!! 

This past weekend has been a happy but emotional one for me celebrating my 5 years. When you celebrate this type of milestone it seems surreal because YOU are the only one who knows the true struggle you had in days of addiction and in recovery. Yes, recovery can be a struggle but the bad days in recovery will ALWAYS win over the best days in addiction because they were really not all that great or few and far between. I will never be cured of this disease cause yes it is a disease y'all. I still have days 5 years into this where the thought of drinking comes to my mind and how good it would feel to be drunk..truth! I have to let that thought come to mind feel it and then shake it off and not live in that addiction demon. I didn't say to myself one day "man, I'm going to become an alcoholic today and do the following...ruin relationships, spend nights in jail, spend nights in hospitals because of drunken induced accidents, destroy my body,...

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Happy 5th Birthday to ME

Uncategorized Aug 18, 2017

My favorite day of the year is here!! I love this day more than my birthday, the Oscars, Sundays or any major holiday. I'm 5 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I made the decision to stop the madness on 8/18/12  and make a choice to live a life of love, light, and freedom five years ago today. Which is exactly the opposite of what I was living for a decade of my active addiction with alcohol? I still allow myself to feel that morning cause that is a place I never wish to go back to. Was it a scary thought to think of a life without the booze?? YES, of course!! It took me two years to settle fully in my sober life and feel comfortable in my own skin. I had to relearn how to live again, relearn how to cope and just be without booze. Thru these years and the process of recovery I have learned, I'm much stronger than I ever thought, the world is truly my oyster and I am extremely powerless over alcohol and that is OK!! Doesn't make me a freak show or less than anyone. The heavy burden...

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Sober on Bourbon Street.

Uncategorized Jul 20, 2017

SOBER on Bourbon Street!!!!! Here is what I have learned in a life..no matter where you go there you are!! Before I left on this trip, I had someone say to me, "what the hell are you going to New Orleans for?? You don't drink!" Why, yes sir I don't but I also CHOOSE to continue to live life and not curl up and become a recluse... Alcohol is in every town, every state and every country on this planet. You can make any town a party town but I will not sit back and let life pass me by and I'm FOR sure am having a sober time in one of the best cities on the planet. Sobriety is the NEW EVERYTHING!

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Sober Sex!

Uncategorized Jun 08, 2017

Alright friends... I'm going to open up this discussion if you are not comfy talking about it.DON'T but for me, it took a bit of time to get used too. Also, I know this is a topic to a lot of people in the Recovery community you may feel like "am I the only one who feels this way?" You are not. So please feel free to share below if you want or have any insight to the topic. As we know in this journey, what you are feeling and thinking there is at least one other person who feels the SAME.  I feel like for this topic..thousands feel this way!!
SOBER SEX! 
I remember when I got sober, I seriously thought "how am I going to have sex" at this time I was 1.5 years into my relationship with Matt(my husband) and we had sex BUT it was a lot more when I was drinking. So I was never really fully comfortable with myself to have that intimate relationship(because most addicts/alcoholics have problems with intimacy) with him and being fully present. I used sex thru out my addiction as a...

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Choice

Uncategorized May 13, 2017

This was a hard one for me to understand FOR YEARS!! 
In my active addiction I always played the victim, I blamed my Drinking on everyone else and I justified it by saying "I'm not hurting anyone" which was all a crock of hot shit because I was hurting myself and the trickle down effect it had on others. I blamed my drinking on my parents, relationships, friendships, jobs, I mean really anything.. "Life someone how fucked me over so"...well that was the story I kept telling myself!!! 
Yes..was my childhood and teen years not good because of my parents and I know half the reason I went into drinking was because of the lack of parenting and structure I received. My parents divorced at age 7 and there was just a series of misunfornate events that kept coming after they split. The chaos and crazy times was a yearly staple in my home.  Alcoholism and mental illness was HUGE and at age 7, I already knew what these terms meant because this is what I was shown by adults....

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You Can Have Fun Sober!

Uncategorized Apr 26, 2017

It's totally norImal to be scared that first year of sobriety!! I was scared shitless..for reals. Don't ever think or feel like it's silly for thinking these thoughts because it's not!! We end of relying on such a powerful drug to help us deal with feelings, I was told and shown growing up that life was FUN when you had cocktails. So it's know surprise I turned to alcohol for everything!! 

I didn't know how life was going to continue on without that drink at birthdays, concerts, holidays, weddings, funerals, family gatherings, brunch, cookouts, engagements, hanging out with friends, spring, summer, fall, winter or even having sex without being hammered..truth! Oh yes, how many of us have only been able to have sex hammered??? 
But guess what?!?! Life does go on and it gets better and a lot more "fun".  You just have to be patient with the recovery process, put in the work with yourself and know all these "Life events" are actually better without the booze. I remember...

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