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CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN'T LOSE!

Uncategorized Sep 30, 2016

For the first 120 days of my sobriety, I seriously didn't know what to do with myself! I will say those first4 months were scary; I didn't feel that "pink cloud" like most people do in recovery. The pink cloud feeling came years down the road for me. During these early months, I had to figure out how I was going to tell my friends and family I wasn't going to be drinking anymore. Except my
Alcoholism, a figure "who the sober me was going to be" the list went on, and the emotions were high.
I remember Matt(my then boyfriend who is now my husband) telling me I needed to find a hobby. Excuse? "I had hobbies" is what I told him but when he asked, "like what" I had no response! My hobby was drinking, but I wouldn't know that till months down the road when I awakened to what my true reality was for over a decade. I took to Google, yep! I fucking google hobbies(HA) and a list of hobbies popped up, and I slowly began to read each line and thought if I would like that hobby or not. So crafting...

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FRIDAY NIGHT FEAR!

Uncategorized Sep 24, 2016

For as long as I can remember I drank almost every Friday night in my addiction. That's over ten years of Friday nights, give or take a few. I am sure in that period there had to be a few Friday's I didn't drink. Whether it was going out with friends, getting done with work early or drinking when I got home from work. I got fucking shitfaced, blackout wasted on Friday's!! When I got Sober, every Friday for one year in my recovery I got severe ANXIETY on this day. I feared Fridays. The "ITCH" would start rolling in around 2 pm, why at that time? Not sure, maybe in my addiction that's when I would usually start thinking about what I would be drinking that night!! My anxiety would get so bad being in a public restaurant was difficult. I would look at people and get envious they could have drinks and I couldn't. As much as I was content with the choice I made to quit drinking and knew it was the right one, it was still hard for me to see. I would wonder why they could have fun and I...

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ONE AND I'M NEVER DONE!

Uncategorized Sep 14, 2016

In the 4 years I have been sober I have been asked by many people, “so you can’t just like have one drink?” The answer is a simple and hard NO!! I have often thought this to myself, can I just drink one?? I can’t. I have tried every way to “control my drinking” no shots, don’t mix booze and beer, only have 2 drinks a night, make sure you eat dinner, no white wine, don’t drink margarita’s, no martinis and the list goes on and on my friends. I tried to control my alcohol consumption and it has always lead me back to the same place. Doom and gloom!! It may had been good for 1-6 weeks but it was bound to go back to the dark hole of one of my fuck ups that drinking lead me to every time.
My mind doesn’t have an off switch like some people do when it comes to drinking. I want to keep going and going, like that little energizer bunny. I would say 95% of my drinking always led into black outs because I didn’t know how to stop...

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MY FIRST BLOG POST!

Uncategorized Sep 07, 2016

This is my first blog post!! Yay me!! I have been wanting to do this for a long time, mainly because I enjoy writing and I need a creative outlook for my recovery.  I have been sober now for 4 years and 20 days.  In my recovery I have developed a liking for writing.  Has it always been there or is this just something that came out of me since I decided to get sober? Who knows but I'm glad it's in me.  I can't guarantee that these will be good or entertaining but I can guarantee they will be from the heart and real. No BULL SHIT! I want to share with the world that recovery is possible and that addiction is a disease.  I will be sharing all parts of my recovery and my days of using.  Hope whoever reads this can relate or at least help someone in their own journey.

Always,

CMA

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