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Sober Sex!

Uncategorized Jun 08, 2017

Alright friends... I'm going to open up this discussion if you are not comfy talking about it.DON'T but for me, it took a bit of time to get used too. Also, I know this is a topic to a lot of people in the Recovery community you may feel like "am I the only one who feels this way?" You are not. So please feel free to share below if you want or have any insight to the topic. As we know in this journey, what you are feeling and thinking there is at least one other person who feels the SAME.  I feel like for this topic..thousands feel this way!!
SOBER SEX! 
I remember when I got sober, I seriously thought "how am I going to have sex" at this time I was 1.5 years into my relationship with Matt(my husband) and we had sex BUT it was a lot more when I was drinking. So I was never really fully comfortable with myself to have that intimate relationship(because most addicts/alcoholics have problems with intimacy) with him and being fully present. I used sex thru out my addiction as a...

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Choice

Uncategorized May 13, 2017

This was a hard one for me to understand FOR YEARS!! 
In my active addiction I always played the victim, I blamed my Drinking on everyone else and I justified it by saying "I'm not hurting anyone" which was all a crock of hot shit because I was hurting myself and the trickle down effect it had on others. I blamed my drinking on my parents, relationships, friendships, jobs, I mean really anything.. "Life someone how fucked me over so"...well that was the story I kept telling myself!!! 
Yes..was my childhood and teen years not good because of my parents and I know half the reason I went into drinking was because of the lack of parenting and structure I received. My parents divorced at age 7 and there was just a series of misunfornate events that kept coming after they split. The chaos and crazy times was a yearly staple in my home.  Alcoholism and mental illness was HUGE and at age 7, I already knew what these terms meant because this is what I was shown by adults....

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You Can Have Fun Sober!

Uncategorized Apr 26, 2017

It's totally norImal to be scared that first year of sobriety!! I was scared shitless..for reals. Don't ever think or feel like it's silly for thinking these thoughts because it's not!! We end of relying on such a powerful drug to help us deal with feelings, I was told and shown growing up that life was FUN when you had cocktails. So it's know surprise I turned to alcohol for everything!! 

I didn't know how life was going to continue on without that drink at birthdays, concerts, holidays, weddings, funerals, family gatherings, brunch, cookouts, engagements, hanging out with friends, spring, summer, fall, winter or even having sex without being hammered..truth! Oh yes, how many of us have only been able to have sex hammered??? 
But guess what?!?! Life does go on and it gets better and a lot more "fun".  You just have to be patient with the recovery process, put in the work with yourself and know all these "Life events" are actually better without the booze. I remember...

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Gratitude is the Attitude

Uncategorized Mar 15, 2017

In the past few weeks I have upping my gratitude vibration which I had lost for the past few months.  I have always been a person who lived in gratitude but when I got sober it was taken to a whole other level of appreciation. I guess when you have had 1,000 chances at life and you finally see that with clear sober eyes.. shit gets real and you don't take for granted what you have in the present.  Sometimes, you have to keep gut checking yourself in life and refocus. It's very easy to get caught up in the what have not's and I've been dealing with that on this journey of infertility issues.  I remember in my first weeks of sobriety, I went to a meeting and sat at the table and listened to people say how much "time they had sober" I remember thinking I wanted that, I wanted to be a year, five years, ten years, etc., etc.  After my 90 days came my attitude shifted because that is when I started to wake up and realize, "whoa man, I just...

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Eating My Emotions

Uncategorized Feb 25, 2017

Have you ever turned to food for comfort? I'm not talking like lady cycle comfort, like legit you turn to food to make yourself feel better. I did for my first year of sobriety...YIKES!!

So, for a year I ate and ate and ate. Didn't care, zero fucks and had a yolo attitude with whatever I wanted because "I quit drinking!" I found myself using this excuse a lot that first year, it was some "dry drunk" behavior I went thru.  Sometimes I wasn't even hungry but would eat to satisfied myself when I had a "feeling of life"or even when I would have the urge to drink. There were some days I would have urges every hour, starbursts and skittles were my besties and so was DIET COKE. I use to drink up to 6 sodas a day.  I ate my way to almost 180 pounds!!! At the time, honestly it didn't matter to me because the first year of sobriety was so scary I just had to exist in life and get thru each day. Never in my life did I think I would find comfort in a...

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Hello My Name is...

Uncategorized Feb 04, 2017

Hello, my name is Courtney and I am a Recovering Alcoholic!

I wanted to share a little more of about my history and what my rock bottom was for anyone who is new that is reading my blog. I have been sober now for 4 years and 5 months. I LOVED alcohol, like it was my bestie for over a decade.  My vicious cycle of addiction was spent for over ten years feeling ashamed, embarrassed, lonely, isolated and scared but I kept staying in this world. For so many years I didn't feel like I deserved any good.  Most days depending on my work schedules were spent thinking about drinking, drinking or dry heaving, laying in bed all day until I ordered pizza at 8pm when I finally stopped throwing up all the alcohol from the night before. I mean this cycle happened weekly, alcohol poising for sure! Of course I would say to myself every time I would dry heave that "be the last time I did shots or drank like that"...LIES! I often find when I woke up the night before I had...

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Motivation or Mindset?

Uncategorized Jan 25, 2017

 I have often been asked and the last 4 years from people, "how do you stay motivated with your sobriety?" The answer is easy, I don't want to die!! TRUTH. It may seem a little dramatic to some but its all TRUE. That's how I look at what would happen to me if I went back to drinking. If I were to relapse it woIuld end in death, maybe not that day but I would down the road. That is where my life was going for many years before I said, "I'm done!" You have to understand something about addict's, we don't know how to stop. When I go out in life it's going to be like Rose in the Titanic all warm and cozy in her bed dreaming of DiCaprio. The sauce will not take me out, NO THANK YOU! Over doses or people drinking themselves to death happen daily just not many talk about it. I know that one sip of something would put be back down that rabbit hole of awfulness...is that a word?? The hole of despair, shame, loneliness, desperation and death.

Since becoming sober there is something I...

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Sober Pals

Uncategorized Jan 13, 2017

Hey world!!

It feels good to be back and at my creative outlet. I really had to take a step back from this for a minute. When my good pal passed away just two days before Thanksgiving, I went into grief mode followed by the Holidays. I tried writing tips of how to stay on a sober path during the Holiday season but I just faced such a "creative block!" I sat one night for 3 hours trying to get it all out and my mind was taking me into 25 different directions, so I just stopped. I mean at one point I got mad and I didn't want to hate what I have started to love doing. You know what I mean? I was having a block and there was no sense of fighting it and writing something I just wasn't into.

I do miss my friend, and think it is important to have some sober friends in your life. Him and I were sober pals and always there for one another. We had that connection of we get it, I hate to say "brotherhood" cause it sounds so Sons of Anarchy(worst series ending of all time) but it is true! Same...

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IS ESCAPING REALITY REALLY WORTH IT?!

Uncategorized Nov 21, 2016

There is a day month after month for the past two years I would love nothing more than to get shitfaced! I mean just take it to the face, blackout drunk!! This day I speak of, is the first day of my lady cycle. For the past two years, my husband and I have struggled with trying to conceive aka Fertility issues. When you are young, you never think that trying to get pregnant would be so hard. You think easy, no big deal, it just takes one time, I will do the opposite of what they told me to do in sex ed class and not use any birth control. For some couples they don't even try, for some, they get pregnant after month 1, some six months, some one year, some need IVF, some need IUI, some require a surrogate and some need to adopt. We all have such different journeys of becoming parents. On our trip, I have learned that thousands/millions of couples go thru fertility/infertility issues. My heart breaks for all couples who have to go on this ride because it is beyond the pits. This is...

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FOMO!

Uncategorized Nov 07, 2016

FOMO-FEAR OF MISSING OUT... YES, its a thing and YES it is real!! My FOMO was out of hand early days of recovery. It will go away in time, but once in a while, it will pop back up in my life, depending on an event or situation. Last year I had this when I opted out of a weekend Bachelorette party for a good friend, but I couldn't do it because I knew there would be heavy drinking involved. I'm just not there yet, I may never be, and that is OK! It's ok to say NO, it's healthy and sets boundaries for yourself, so you don't jeopardize your sobriety. In the early stages of recovery, FOMO was right up there with my crippling anxiety. I know, I know it sounds silly, but it's true. In my addiction my drinking was so, very social. To be honest, I never drank at home much unless it was continuing the party after the bars shut down or random nights I decided to stay in and drink wine.

I learned the FOMO would come around the time; I started to get the itch for wanting to drink. Which would...

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