13 Lessons in 13 Years of Sobriety: Hard Truths, Healing, and Hope for Your Alcohol-Free Journey

Episode 236: 13 Lessons in 13 Years of Sobriety: Hard Truths, Healing, and Hope for Your Alcohol-Free Journey

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"You have to remember your why; that yes, it is worth living and to give sobriety as many chances as you gave alcohol."

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In this episode, Courtney celebrates 13 years of sobriety and shares the 13 biggest lessons she’s learned since quitting alcohol. She reflects on her rock-bottom moment, the early challenges of sobriety, and how life has completely transformed. Whether you’re in your first days or years into recovery, these lessons offer perspective, encouragement, and practical strategies.

What you will learn in this episode:

• You don’t have to hit rock bottom to quit.
• Early sobriety is a complete rebirth.
• Community and support are non-negotiable.
• Your mindset around sobriety determines your joy.
• Triggers, slips, and growth over time.
• Celebrate your progress and protect your sobriety.

On August 18th, I celebrate 13 years of sobriety. And let me tell you, I like my sober birthday better than my regular one. My son’s birthday is my favorite day of the year, but this one comes in at a close second.

Every year, I wake up on my sober anniversary and take time to reflect. I think about the Courtney who was stuck in that drinking cycle, what it took to get here, and the freedom I have today. If you are just starting out or somewhere in the messy middle, I want you to know I have been where you are. Those early days can feel like standing at the bottom of a mountain wondering how you are going to climb it.

So, in honor of 13 years, here are the 13 biggest lessons I have learned along the way.

My Last Night Drinking

I did not plan my last drink. It was not circled on the calendar. I had spent 10 years in a relationship with alcohol, and four of those years trying to “control” something that was completely uncontrollable.

On August 17th, I drank with every intention of “behaving” e.i. no shots, no sloppy behavior, keep it together. I did all of those things I promised myself I would not do.

That night ended with my rescue cat missing for the second time, my boyfriend beyond furious, and me in a three-day hangover filled with shame.

When I finally found my cat  terrified and peeing on me (well deserved), I had my movie moment. I had made a pact with the universe: if I found her, I would quit drinking for good. And I did.

That was my rock bottom. Not the worst thing I had ever done drunk, but it was my enough-is-enough moment. And if you are here reading this, you can have that moment too.

Lesson 1: You Don’t Need to Hit Rock Bottom

Do not wait for the DUI, the lost job, or the life-altering mistake. If you are questioning your drinking, there is a reason. Catch it before it gets worse. The truth is, rock bottom is different for everyone. You can choose to step away before the damage becomes something you can never take back.

Lesson 2: The First Year is a Total Rebirth

You are a newborn baby in your grown-up body. New identity, new routines, and a lot of relearning. Be patient, because you are essentially teaching yourself how to live without a crutch you may have relied on for years. Some days, just brushing your teeth and breathing is enough, and that is not failure. Give yourself space to grow into this new version of you at your own pace.

Lesson 3: Slips Don’t Equal Failure

Slips are feedback, not proof you cannot do it. They show you where you need more support, stronger boundaries, or different coping tools. Maybe you went somewhere too soon or spent time with people who do not support your choice. Learn from it instead of letting it drag you back into the cycle. Every lesson you pick up from a slip makes you stronger for the next time temptation shows up.

Lesson 4: Loneliness Fades but Community Must Be Built

No one is going to swoop in and save you. You have to save yourself, and then surround yourself with people who get it. That might mean joining a group, finding a sober friend, or connecting with a coach who understands your path. It takes effort to find your people, but the payoff is having a circle that keeps you accountable and reminds you why you started.

Lesson 5: You’ll Feel Everything You’ve Numbed

When the alcohol is gone, the feelings you buried will come rushing up. It is part of healing, and while it can feel intense, it is a sign that you are finally facing what you once ran from. Let yourself get quiet, pull back when you need to, and know this is normal. These waves will pass, and every time they do, you grow more resilient.

Lesson 6: Sobriety Can Be Fun

Alcohol lied to you. Hangovers are not fun. Forgetting nights out is not fun. There is joy on the other side of this, but you have to experience it to believe it. When you start stacking sober memories, you will see that the best parts of life do not require a drink in your hand. The more you explore, the more you will realize there are endless ways to have fun without sacrificing your health or your peace.

Lesson 7: Triggers Change Over Time

What triggered you in year one will not necessarily be what triggers you in year five. Your coping tools need to evolve along with you. Stay open to new forms of support, whether that is therapy, coaching, or a different community than you had before. Change is a sign of growth, and adjusting your tools keeps you prepared for whatever life brings.

Lesson 8: There’s No One Right Way to Recover

AA, coaching, therapy, harm reduction — there are so many options. The right way is the one that works for you, and only you can decide what that is. Do not let anyone tell you there is a single path. Sobriety is about building a life that works for your needs, not fitting into someone else’s idea of recovery.

Lesson 9: Self-Forgiveness is Essential

Stop beating yourself up for “not quitting sooner.” You quit when you were ready to quit. Forgive the past version of you who did not yet have the tools or the clarity. If you hold onto resentment toward yourself, it will weigh down your progress. Replace it with compassion and gratitude that you made the change at all.

Lesson 10: The People Who Don’t Get It Aren’t Your People

You do not owe anyone an explanation for your choice to be sober. The people who support you will celebrate it, and the ones who question it will eventually fall away. Focus your energy on relationships that respect your boundaries. It is not your job to make anyone “understand” why you stopped drinking.

Lesson 11: Rest is Not Laziness

Your nervous system needs downtime, especially in early sobriety. Take the nap. Have some “towel time” where you just breathe and exist. Rest allows your body and mind to process the changes you are going through. It is an investment in your long-term stability, not a sign of weakness.

Lesson 12: Alcohol Wasn’t the Problem, It Was the Solution

You used alcohol to cope, numb, and escape. When you build a life you do not want to escape from, you will not need it anymore. This takes time and intention, but the reward is a life that feels worth living every single day. You will eventually find that your old coping tool has no place in the life you have created.

Lesson 13: You’re Allowed to Be Proud

Celebrate your milestones, whether it is one week, one month, or one decade. Pat yourself on the back because this is hard work. Most people will never understand how much discipline and courage it takes to do what you are doing. Let your pride fuel you to keep going, no matter what.

Why Staying Out of the Cycle Matters

Once you break the cycle, stay out of it. Every time you go back, it is harder to come back again. Give sobriety as many chances as you gave alcohol. You have one life, and it is worth living all the way present.

Final Thoughts

If you are in those early days, I promise it gets better. I am living proof that the girl who once could not imagine life without alcohol now wakes up every day free from it.

And you can too.

If you need guidance, tools, and a community that understands, come join me inside the Sobriety Circle or book a Sober Breakthrough Session. You do not have to do this alone.

Here is to your next milestone, whatever day that might be.

Thank you for listening!

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Resources Mentioned:

Sobriety Circle 

Breakthrough 

Sober Vibes Book 

The After