How to Quit Drinking When Your Partner Isn't Sober

Jul 03, 2021

How to Quit Drinking When Your Partner Isn't Sober.


Deciding that you’re ready to give up alcohol is a brave choice! I’m willing to bet that you’re tired of hangovers and drunk arguments. If you’re not careful, alcohol can put a huuuuge strain on any relationship. 

When they say drinking alcohol is like pouring gasoline on your anxiety, which goes for relationships. People often say things they don’t mean and end up being more hurtful than helpful. 

Today, I want to talk about sticking to your *sober* guns.

Even though you’re in a relationship, you’re still an individual. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, your body, and your mind. 

Make sure they understand your reasoning.

To get your partner on board with your choice, you’ll need to help them understand your reasoning. They likely already know your feelings toward alcohol, but having a genuine conversation will be key. 

Now, let me be clear … if they disagree with your decision, it’s still your choice.

Here are a few things you’ll want to touch on in your conversation:

  • How alcohol makes you feel 
  • Why you feel your life will improve without it
  • Ask for the support that you’ll need

When you sit down to explain your decision, be as open and honest as possible. If your partner is supportive, they will absolutely understand. 

How to set clear boundaries. 

During your conversation, it’s crucial to speak up for yourself. Often, people make the mistake of saying, “we don’t have to change anything; I just won’t drink.” 

The problem with that is - drinking is a lifestyle and a working system. 

When your life revolves around alcohol, that impacts every part of your day-to-day life, so be willing to accept that you will have to make changes. 

Setting boundaries will help guide you and your partner through this transition. 

You might decide that you no longer want alcohol in the house or ask your partner not to drink around you. Just be clear about what you need. 

Here are a few steps for setting a boundary:

  1. Envision the outcome you’re looking for (happier home life).
  2. Decide what will help you get there (no alcohol in the home).
  3. Set a firm boundary and stick to it (get rid of the alcohol in the home, don’t buy more).

Follow through with check-ins. 

Over time, your needs will fluctuate and change. Your confidence in recovery will grow, and your boundaries might need an adjustment. 

After a few months of sticking to your set boundaries, sit down with your partner to see how things are going. Chat about what’s working and what’s not. 

It’s normal to readjust along the way! 

Connect with the sober community.

Even though you might consider your partner your support system, it helps talk to people who are also in your shoes. 

Your partner might not fully understand everything you’re going through, and that’s okay! There is a whole community out there who does understand.

Consider supplementing the support you’re getting at home by connecting with other people in recovery. 

Join Sober Focus!

If you need a little extra support, join my group program! We have weekly meetings that help you stay accountable, along with monthly workshops. 

We’ve got your back! 

 Click here to listen to the Sober Vibes Podcast!

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